Time.

Time.
It's such a destructing essence.

I feel as if time is slipping through.

But instead of trying to grasp it through my fingertips

I'm freely letting it fall.

I have nothing to hold on to.

I have no faith in anything.

Oh how reassuring would it be, to sit back and be ignorant to everything.

To believe in a god.

To believe in salavation in the end.
And that all this isn't being wasted away.

But I can't.

I just don't understand the meaning of any of this.

I can't just blindly sit back and let this crumble into an avalanche.

I just don't trust what may not be.

I don't want to waste away anymore time.

I don't want to have to deal with the 'normal' aspects of life.
Life it day by day.
Blindly.

I don't want to have to say goodbye to anyone in the midst of making myself sucessful.

I cannot endure both.

Living in the world is such a harsh place.

And i'm not even alive yet.

I can't stop questioning the everyday emotions that pass throughout my mind.

Why do I still feel this way?

What triggers this emotional response?

When will it go away?

For years, I've had the same doubts, feelings, insecurities.

With time, it'll get better.
Bullshit.

I'm consuming myself into an abyss that I can freely get out of.

But I can't.

I don't want scientific explantations as to why this is or isn't.

But I want to know WHY it's causing me to crumble.


Time is so little.

We won't be for long.

And it scares the shit out of me.